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As Hurricane Gustav menacingly approaches the Gulf of Mexico, threatening to grow into a Category 5 storm capable of unleashing horrific gales and torrential downpours upon the hapless residents of the U.S. southern coastline, the newly formed U.S. Disaster Response Corps is springing into action. Thousands and thousands of highly trained men and women have already reported to their duty stations and are even now manning their specialized rescue equipment, ready to save the lives of endangered American citizens.

Mobile emergency hospitals, similar to the Army’s famous MASH units are being deployed by giant C-17 Globemaster III aircraft to strategic locations around the Gulf of Mexico while the first shipments of over 1,000 tons of emergency food and water rations are already on their way from secure storage facilities in North Dakota. U.S. Coast Guard and U.S. Navy ships are being urgently recalled from the tiny, faraway nation of Georgia, a neighbor of Russia, where they have been delivering humanitarian aid, so that they will be available during the next week to perform exactly the same duties for American citizens who live along south coast of the United States.

In what can only be described as one of the most incredible turnarounds and changes of heart in the history of the United States, President Bush recently created the U.S. Disaster Response Corps after apparently reading an earlier edition of Rich McSheehy’s blog. The President has denied the blog directly influenced his thinking and instead he refers to a meeting he had with John McCain at one of his houses (he can’t recall which one) where they discussed related issues such as eliminating taxes for the rich entirely, eliminating social security, and also eliminating all federally subsidized student loans.

Breaking News: The White House has just announced that vast quantities of oil are now being pumped from the strategic petroleum reserve in anticipation of Hurricane Gustav possibly dealing a knockout blow to oil drilling platforms in the Gulf of Mexico. The announcement stated that this preemptive action was being taken in order to ensure that gasoline prices would not increase due to the effect of Hurricane Gustav. In the unlikely event that Hurricane Gustav misses the platforms, the oil will be returned to the strategic reserve for possible use in future emergencies.

Oh…by the way…have I ever told you I really like a couple of cups of Starbucks coffee in the morning? I do…

But I’m thinking, maybe I need to back off a little…

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